John Piper denounces bedroom role-playing, says ‘Fantasized sin is sin’

Theologian John Piper gives a sermon at Passion 2020 at the Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia on Jan. 1, 2020. | Passion/Garrett Lobaugh

Noted theologian and Bible teacher John Piper recently denounced the practice of some married couples to engage in role-playing in the bedroom, stating that “fantasized sin is sin.”

On an episode of the podcast “Ask Pastor John” posted to the website Desiring God on Monday, Piper addressed multiple questions sent in by listeners whose spouses were interested in various types of sensual role-play.

“My husband likes to use role-playing in the bedroom, and various levels of bondage and dominance. He wants me to say things like ‘I am your slave.’ He wants me to wear certain collars around my neck. To the far extreme, he likes to fantasize that he is raping me,” said one unnamed listener.

“But he’s a very nice person outside of the bedroom. He only asks if he can play out the fantasy in bed. What should I do?”

Another anonymous listener explained that a counselor had told her and her husband that role-playing was “okay in the marriage bed with mutual consent.”

Piper, an author and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary in Minneapolis, Minnesota, responded by stating that “fantasized sin is sin, no matter how many people agree on it.” He added that “playacted sin is sin,” citing Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:27–29 to justify this conclusion.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell,” reads the biblical passage.

With the passage in mind, Piper said that “Jesus’s standard of holiness is not merely a standard of bodily deeds, but also of mental delights.”

“If you need ever more kinky sex — ever more bizarre, unconventional sexual acts at the expense of your spouse’s enjoyment — you are elevating your appetite above his or her delights. That’s not the way of Christ,” Piper continued.

“If you pursue a sexual act or an imagined sexual situation because it is more stimulating, scintillating, pleasurable, because it is forbidden, then you are living out the way of the fool, and you are embodying the principle of bondage.”

Piper went on to warn that if a “sexual desire has become so prominent in the way you pursue satisfaction in life that you must push the limits of sexual conventions in order to be a joyful and contented person, your God and your purpose for living have become too small.”

“In other words, we need a big, beautiful, glorious, transcendent, majestic vision of God and his purpose for our lives if sex is to stay in its pleasurable, small place,” he added.

“Rather, you will have it by devoting 99 percent of your effort to love your wife well outside the bedroom, so that she finds you somebody she really desires.”

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SOURCE: The Christian Post – Michael Gryboski