Confessions of a Hotel Maid: Plagues Do Not Come Without a Reason, by Daniel Whyte III with Meriqua Whyte, Chapter 17


Mr. Bibleman


“Amy, tell Bianca about that Bible-reading man who trapped you in the bathroom,” Ann said.

“I believe he was drunk or on some kind of drugs or something because you cannot be reading the Bible and thinking such evil at the same time. I am convinced of that,” Amy said. “Anyway, here goes.”


* * * * *


“Housekeeping,” I said, knocking on room 304.

“Come on in,” a male voice said. 

I pushed the door open to see a Caucasian man sitting in the chair by the bed. There was an open Bible laying on the bed which I assumed he was reading. It did not look like one of the Bibles from the hotel. Those have red covers. 

“Good morning. I can come back later,” I said.

“Oh, no. That won’t be necessary,” he said a little too hastily. “Just take care of the room while you are here. I just need the trash taken out and the bathroom cleaned if you can so I can take my shower. Vacuum. Do what you normally do.” He proceeded to read his Bible. At least he acted as though he was reading it. I could sense him following me with his eyes.

I took the trash out of the trash can beside the desk. I then took the trash out of the bathroom. I placed both bags in the larger bag on my utility cart which was standing in the hallway in front of the room door which I had left open. I feather dusted the furniture and asked him if he wanted clean sheets on the bed. His answer was no as he hoped to get back into it before taking his shower. I took the spray bottle with the cleanser from off my cart and went into the bathroom where I proceeded to wrap up my cleaning. While I had the bathtub water running, I just sensed someone’s presence. I looked around and ‘Mr. Bibleman’ was standing at the door just staring.

“I’m done,” I said, turning the bathtub water off and quickly gathering up my cleaning supplies.

He leaned against the doorpost with his arms folded across his chest and with a ridiculous grin on his face.

“No, I don’t need to use the bathroom; but I’ll use it if you’ll hang around inside. By the way, my name is Teddy. You know, as in Ted-dy Bear—warm and cuddly.”

I stood aghast. How cute, I thought. And who does this person take me for?

“Just before you knocked on the door I felt this desire coming over me, and I got to wondering, now how can I get this desire satisfied? If you know anything about certain desires you know you can only ignore them for so long; they must be taken care of, if you know what I mean,” Teddy said, raising his eyebrows up and down in rapid succession.

I wish I could slap that devilish grin off your face, I thought as I positioned my spray bottle outward.

As if reading my mind, Teddy said, while holding his hand out, “You won’t be needing that. I’ll put it on your cart for you.”

“You can kindly go back to reading that big ol’ Bible you were reading so I can move on with what I have to do,” I said.

“Well, while I was reading and this desire came upon me, I read that verse, ‘What thou doest do quickly’; At that very moment, you knocked on the door. There’s no other explanation than that you were divinely sent to take care of my need,” he said. “So let’s do it quickly. The bed’s already here ready and waiting.”

“There will be no other explanation for this cleanser contaminating your eyes than that a desire suddenly came upon me to pull the trigger cause what I do, I do quickly,  if you know what I mean,” I said.

“You are one beautiful girl,” he said, “especially when in defense mode. At least let me have your number and we can plan this better,” Teddy said, “then maybe you won’t be so tense.”

“I pull triggers when I am tense,” I said as I pumped the trigger on the spray bottle a few times in rapid succession. Streams of cleaning solution flew into his face.


* * * * *


“While he was busy rubbing his eyes trying to clear his vision and muttering something about telling management, I pushed by him. He tried to grab at me with his free hand but I slapped it away. I fled out the room and made a beeline for the employee station,” Amy said. “I have never moved so fast in my life. I bet I could’ve won an Olympic gold medal in track with the speed I had on me at that moment.”

“Good for you,” Bianca said as they all laughed at her last remark. “Do you think he set you up?”

“I don’t know if he specifically set me up. I believe he would have done the same thing to any housekeeper who came to clean his room. Come to find out, he checked out thirty minutes later,” Amy said. “He just wanted to get a quickie before hitting the road.”

“You’re young and beautiful,” Bianca said. “Do you think age and looks matter to these men?”

“I don’t think so. In fact, both these men were at least ten years older than I,” Amy said. “One was a black man and the other was white.”

“Since you’re focusing on Christian men, it seems to me that in times past they would at least stick to their age group and to those of their faith; but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore,” Carlita said. “Today, they’ll take anyone in a skirt, so to speak—within their age group, under their age group, or above their age group; Christian or non-Christian; married or not married.”

“They don’t care as long as they can get their pleasure,” Ann said.