Meek and Quiet Spirit
“That’s what you call a close encounter,” Ann said after Amy finished sharing her story. “Thank God the elevator did not malfunction while you two were in there.”
“I had one of those encounters, too. Only he didn’t think to hold down the ‘close’ button,” Carlita said.
“Hang on to your story,” Bianca said. “Let me ask Amy a few questions.” Turning to Amy, Bianca asked, “What race was he?”
“He seemed mixed; he was rather light skinned,” Amy said.
“It doesn’t matter their race. An evil man is an evil man,” Ann said. “I have been hit on by both black men and white men.”
“True. But he mentioned his wife. Why do you think he would even try to start something with you, Amy, even though he is married?” Bianca asked.
“Well, he did mention something about his wife not being pleasant and not having a quiet spirit, and then he had the audacity to suggest that I speak with his wife who I don’t even know,” Amy said.
“So it’s safe to conclude that he desired a wife who’s pleasant to be around and who has a good attitude and spirit,” Bianca said. “Would you say that’s something every husband desires in his wife?”
Amy shrugged. “I have never been married, so I would not know.”
“I would say so,” Carlita said. “My husband and I have been married for eighteen years now and in reflecting on the early years of our marriage, much of our spats were over my having a negative argumentative attitude about things, even little things that were of no real consequence. I’ve seen when I’ve been pleasant and peaceful that things go much smoother in our household. Thank God I don’t have those issues anymore.”
“Good for you,” the others said.
“So a wife not having a consistently good attitude can cause the husband to begin showing interest in other women?” Bianca said.
“I would say so,” Carlita said.
“I have been to three weddings, and it would seem to me that if a husband, or a wife, is not going to keep their vows to remain faithful then they ought not to get married,” Ann said.
“That’s true,” Bianca said. “But I don’t believe the majority of men and women get married with the intent of being unfaithful to their spouse.”
“Mmm, I don’t know about that,” Carlita said. “My husband had me laughing the other day as he shared an incident that one of his good friends told him about. I’ll call his friend Bob. Bob was seeing this woman who he ended up marrying. Anyway, before Bob got married to her, on one of their outings Bob specifically asked his wife-to-be if they were to get married would she remain faithful to him. The wife-to-be said, ‘I might.’ She knew up-front whether or not she would remain faithful to her marriage vows. Like I told my husband, I appreciate her honesty.”
“Well, I’d say she is part of the minority,” Bianca said. “But I am curious, are they still married? Has she been faithful to him up to this point?”
“No, they are now divorced because she committed adultery on him,” Carlita said. “He’s taking it real hard and is angry over the whole thing. He keeps telling my husband how she defiled their marriage bed and it’s something he could not live with.”
“Well, how can he get angry over it? He asked her whether or not she would remain faithful to him. She told him she might. In effect what she is saying is she would not. That should have been a red flag for him to back away and not marry her,” Ann said. “So he took a chance and married her anyway, I guess hoping he would be such a good husband that he would fix her mind to remain faithful. He has nothing to be angry about. I’d say he brought that on himself because she forewarned him. What do you think, Dr. Bianca?”
“I have to agree with you,” Bianca said. “Maybe he was hoping their love for each other would override any thought or desire of hers to cheat. And, yes, her answer should have been a red flag that he was taking a chance, so really I’d say he gambled and took a risk and sad to say, lost. As far as him being angry at her, he really has no right to be angry at her because she did tell him she may not remain faithful to him. Now, I can understand him being angry at himself for not exercising wisdom and being more cautious.”
“That’s probably what it is,” Carlita said. “He’s probably more angry at himself than he is at her.”
“I have a male friend. We’re not intimate or anything like that; he’s more of a big brother to me. Anyway, he was complaining to me how much of a liar his wife is and how she just has a hard time telling the truth for whatever reason,” Ann said. “He shared with me that he knew she was a liar and a manipulative person before they got married. Now that they are married she is still lying to him about things, sometimes things that are not even that important. I told him in all fairness he has no right to get angry at her as he took a chance in marrying her knowing she had this problem. Who says marriage will solve problems either spouse may bring into the marriage?”
“You have a point there,” Bianca said.
“If that’s the case, then I’m not going to get married because I have a mouth on me, and if you provoke me long enough, I’ll tell you where to get off,” Amy said.
They laughed as Bianca made some notes in her notepad. “Just let your husband-to-be know in advance that you can get mouthy. By the way,” she said, “my husband thought it best if I conducted the interviews by myself. He thought you may all be more comfortable talking with a female. Is this true?”
“I don’t mind talking with him. He could probably shed some light on why these men, who claim to be Christians, and who may be married, hit on other women,” Ann said.
“Not just Christian men—men in general,” Amy said. “At the college and even just shopping at the grocery store, guys have approached me. They act as though they can’t read a label; they act as though they have no idea how to cook something they are buying; they act as though they can’t read the scale in the produce section. My question is, why buy a food item you have no idea how to cook? One man followed me around the store pushing an empty cart pretending he was shopping. Every aisle I was on he just happened to stroll down that aisle pretending to be looking for something but all the time glancing at me.”
“The thing that gets to me is they do not want a relationship leading to marriage. They just want what I call a quickie,” Carlita said. “They don’t even know if I have a STD or not as they wouldn’t even bother to ask and get to know me.”
“That’s interesting,” Bianca said as she scribbled on her notepad. “Well, ladies, I want you to know that I asked my question to Amy about the man’s perceived motive for interacting with her in such a way for the sole purpose of our study. Whether a man has a pleasant, good-spirited wife or not, it does not give him an excuse or leeway to approach another woman and try to proposition her. As my husband will tell you, married men hit on you—whether they know it or not—due to their sinful nature. Yes, even supposedly Christian married men. That is why you can carry yourself in the most modest, no nonsense way and some will still try to come after you and get your attention. Now let’s get back on topic.”