We believe that sex is a beautiful, God-given desire that can bring a husband and wife together in oneness. We also believe sex is a thermometer that measures the depth of the relationship—its presence or absence often indicates the level of commitment and intimacy in other areas of your marriage.
For sex to be truly satisfying to both partners, each has to risk being totally open and vulnerable to the other. Each person in the marriage should feel needed, wanted, accepted and loved sacrificially. And one of the keys to building this type of relationship is understanding the general differences between men and women in how they view sex. These differences cause certain expectations on the part of men and women that often lead to misunderstanding, frustration, and disappointment.
The chart that follows is a general guide to the differences between men and women in this area. Obviously, this chart is not absolute comparison—it compares the general tendencies and differences between men and women and how they view sex.
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Differences in Sexuality
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| Men | Women | |
| Orientation | Physical Compartmentalized Physical oneness Variety Sex is high priority |
Relational Wholistic Emotional oneness Security Other priorities may be higher |
| Stimulation | Sight Smell Body centered |
Touch Attitudes Actions Words Person-centered |
| Needs | Respect Admiration Physically needed Not to be put down |
Understanding Love Emotionally needed Time |
| Sexual Response | Acyclical Quick excitement Initiates (usually) Difficult to distract |
Cyclical Slow excitement Responder (usually) Easily distracted |
| Orgasm | Propagation of species Shorter more intense Physically oriented Orgasm usually needed for satisfaction |
Propagation of oneness Longer, more in depth Emotionally-oriented Satisfaction often possible without orgasm |
How much of what you read in this chart is true of your own sexual relationship with your spouse? When we read through information like this, we are reminded of how God takes a man and woman with such different needs and uses those differences to complement each other—to create a “one flesh” relationship.
Most men tend to focus on the physical aspects of a relationship. They are stimulated, drawn, captivated by the sight of their wife. They get excited or at least interested quickly by visual or physical stimulation. Most men can be ready for physical intimacy in minutes. Once sexual release is in the forefront of his mind, it becomes dominant in his focus. Men at this point are ready to move ahead with the process of seeking sexual release through intercourse.
Generally, men put a much higher priority on sex than women do, and women have a different orientation that demands a different approach. A woman is more oriented to the relationship. A man wants physical oneness; the woman desires emotional oneness. Sight, smell, and the body stimulate a man. Touch, attitudes, actions, words, and the whole person stimulate the woman.
Source: FamilyLife.com | Dennis and Barbara Rainey
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