Some Things Not to Say to People in an Interracial Relationship

Ra'Montae and Ashlyn
Ra’Montae and Ashlyn

I am a white twenty-something woman. I’ve been dating my wonderful African-American twenty-something boyfriend for two years now. We don’t live in a huge city like New York or L.A., but our hometown of Wichita, Kansas is diverse and educated. And still, we’ve heard just about every sad, ignorant, racist comment about our relationship that’s in the human lexicon. Some people mean well and just don’t know any better. Some people want to bring us down. If you have a friend who starts dating someone of another race, here are some insulting things they are definitely very sick of hearing.

1. “How do your parents feel about you dating someone outside of your race?”

Wait. Are my parents supposed to be shocked or angry that I am dating a brilliant guy who treats me like a queen? No? OK, then why does the color of his skin matter?

2. “Don’t you want your kids to look like you?”

How will my children magically not look like me just because I am dating outside of my own race? They might have a different shade of skin or maybe even a different texture of hair, but maybe they’ll have my nose or my build or my smile.

3. “But you look so innocent!”

Oh, so my innocence has been robbed because I am dating someone of another race? Sure, makes total sense.

4. “It’s just a phase.” 

No, dating a man who treats me with respect is not a phase. I hope your ignorance is though.

5. “You’re never going to be able to date someone [your race] again once they find out you’ve dated someone [other race].” 

I am not worried about superficial, small-minded people who would be so concerned as to judge me for what race my ex-boyfriend was. Seriously? I don’t need people like that in my life anyway; we probably wouldn’t get along.

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SOURCE: Ashlyn Sullivan

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