We are socially conditioned to fall in love with the idea of romance. You can almost feel the stillness in the air at the theater, as the audience waits with bated breath for the moment when the on screen love interests lock lips.
There is always the scene when they stand gazing into each other’s eyes, with the camera angle and musical score just right for the culmination: a passionate kiss.
For a few seconds, time is suspended and moviegoers are engrossed in the imaginary love affair.
Whether the couple is married or single, and even if the values being played up on screen don’t match the viewers’, still, most people cannot resist a good romantic scene.
But life is not like the movies. What we do is very real. Every action produces a consequence.
And when it comes to abstinence, being intentional about how far we go is a must.
I received an interesting message from 22 year old Erica Dempsey from East Haven, Connecticut who told me, “Dianna, I never kissed a guy and don’t plan to until my wedding night. Does that make me weird?”
My short answer to her was, no, not all.
If puckering up for the first time at the altar after the preacher has now pronounced you “husband and wife” is the way you envision it happening, stick with that.
Kissing, for some people leads to other things–sexual things– and my rule of thumb is “Know thyself.”
Kissing is powerful. It releases pleasure chemicals from the brain known as “dopamine,” which makes the kisser want to kiss even more. These natural endorphins heighten feelings of affection.
So be very careful.
I remember when my now husband, then boyfriend Kenya and I were dating, we had lots of fun and got along well—still do.
However, being that he was not a virgin and I was, we had to be extra careful about our standards for physical touch and closeness in the relationship. My guy had tasted of the forbidden fruit and had to work hard to keep his flesh under subjection.
I had never been in a sexual relationship with anyone, but being that I am human and have feelings, there were times when I knew my body was calling for something God was calling me away from until after marriage.
One time, I had a talk with Kenya about the kinds of things that made me uncomfortable. I shared with him what I felt was appropriate and inappropriate for a Christian abstinent couple.
Touching, fondling and squeezing body parts was a no-no.
I was okay with holding hands and showing affection, but it had to be tempered.
At first, when I put it out in the open so explicitly, even though I felt awkward saying it, I was glad I did. For me, abstaining from sex was more important than avoiding a slightly tense conversation. I wanted to please God.
And you know what happened? Kenya respected my wishes—something that confirmed that he was a keeper!
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SOURCE: EEW Magazine